If you’re looking for the play by play of the heart-shattering episode, “Red Rose,”click here.

Last nights episode of Sons Of Anarchy was one of the toughest yet. And considering what the past six and 11/12’s seasons has shown us, that is really saying something!

It opened peacefully, and closed with aching silence. (And a wide shot of Charlie Hunnams backside, which I could have done without.)

Within the first two minutes of the opening scene, I noticed something different about Jax. He seemed… off somehow. I kept asking my husband, “What is wrong with him? Why is he so… calm? And why is he limping?”

Well, they never did show us why or how Jax got that hitch in his giddy-up, but I think I figured out why he seemed so relaxed.

He was resigned. At some point after his gut-wrenching “How could she do this to Tara?” conversation with Nero, Jax resigned himself to the fact that he can’t win. And–I’m just supposing here–I don’t think he wants to anymore. But then, the moves he’s making with the Presidents Mayhem vote, his dads manuscript, and the secrets being withheld from the viewers has me hoping Jackson Teller has something up his sleeve.

One tidbit I would like to acknowledge is that I WAS RIGHT!!! Jax sent Wendy and his boys off with Nero to the farm! I just hope he joins them, but it’s not looking good.

During the dramatic night, we saw the departure of three characters.

Juice.

We all saw it coming. Waited for it. Knew that by Club rules, Mayhem must fall. Still… it was sad to watch him slowly fall into that pit. He was completely gutted by the time he gave up the ghost.

Gemma

 We waited for it since the final episode of season 6, A Mothers Work. And last night, as the anticipated face-off unfolded… I had no idea what was going to happen.

It should have been obvious. I mean, this is heartbroken, veanegeful Jax. He loved Tara more than anything and his mother ruined it all. He is destroyed. His children are destroyed because of this woman. And I wanted Gemma to pay for what she did, but I was with Nero on this one. SO hoping Jax would leave the dirty work to someone else. Or take the high road.Or decide that letting her live with what she did was punishment enough.

He did neither. 

In fact, he steamrolled over poor Unser to get to her.

This death, to me, was the most shocking since Opie. (I’m still not over it. Why Kurt Sutter?! WHy?!!) I did not see it coming.

But then, as Unser lay there, bleeding out, Jax just pops a squat beside dear old Mommy and starts and oddly calm conversation. You feel the tension. But you also know these characters, so that is not so shocking. Jax asks about his fathers manuscript. Gemma tells him where to find it. And then asks if he’ll be so kind as to shoot her in the rose garden out back.

And as Jax is struggling with the toughest decision of his life… his mother does the unthinkable. She encourages him. She tells him, “it’s okay…this is who we are.”

Well that had me erupting at the television set. First of all, this woman! She loves her son and baits him into killing her? Like it’s the most normal thing in the world! Like Jax having to live with the fact that he killed his mother, and she was okay with it, that will make it all better. Yeah, he’ll sleep soundly. Then I remembered Jax’s weird calm.

The resignation he exuded through every crazy stressful situation. And I wanted to cry all over again.

Next week we will all see the series finale. Here’s the sneak peek from Sons Of Anarchy youtube channel: